...job, car, bike parts, camera equipment. For lack of more productive options and the appeal of doing the whole thing seated squarely on my lazy ass, I'll fatuously assume I can find a meaningful, validating, nurturing relationship as well and give this a shot. Here goes:

To begin with, I'd like to put forward that this will be an unfettered, full-disclosure kind of posting. No photoshop'ped muscle mag pictures, intimations, or bare-faced lies suggesting I'm built like Paul Bunyan, hung like his blue ox Babe, sweat lemonade, and hold the Nobel prize for, well, anything. How far is that kind of subterfuge really gonna go anyway? A first date? I think not. If I was looking for someone who's clinically blind, I wouldn't choose written text as a medium.

Also, to clear up the ambiguous location issue (since that does look pretty fishy), let me say that I live in Concord and work full-time in the SF financial district. The reason I'm not posting this ad in "Concord / Pleasant Hill / Martinez" is that, to be savagely honest, I'm not entire sure I'd be happy with the stereotypical Concordian, and I already know the neighbors. I figure if this results in a connection with someone anywhere between where I work and where I sleep, that's more than acceptably proximal. I have access to various modes of transit and know how to use them -- I'm not trying to get a pizza delivered.

So we've covered what I'm not and where I am. Let's do the "about me" thing:

What I am:
30-year-old, 6', 130 pound, genetically European (as opposed to nationally or culturally -- I've never been to Europe and don't particularly feel the yen) male. Although to be honest (if despicably immodest) I'm actually a reasonably attractive guy, I am lamentably unphotogenic. If I'm not blinking in every picture taken between junior high and the present, I'm opening my mouth to say something. In the vein of full-disclosure, however, I'll happily include a picture here anyway: me on an elephant preserve in Sri Lanka about a year ago. I don't know what the hell I'm looking at -- presumably elephants -- but at least my eyes are open and mouth shut.

Who I am:
Assuming I make the initial aesthetic cut for you (read: "you're into gangly hayseeds with lens-correction and unmanageable hair"), I'm hoping this next part will be the most significant. Who I am is a computer science graduate (SDSU. Go Aztecs. Drink, drink, ...something. Fight? Maybe fight.) with a near sinecure in the City and a contracting interest on the side (same kind of work; LAMP programming). I like wide-open, sunny places and hate dogs, talk-radio, and air conditioning. Growing up, I was the aphoristic child raised by a village -- and as such have been instilled with talents, curiosity, and knowledge in just about everything at one point or another. I don't say this to brag (modesty was one of my earliest lessons followed quickly by the disarming effects of playful self-deprecating humor), but to give credit to my many wonderful teachers and also clarify the fact that I'm comfortably self-reliant. I make my own rent, file my own taxes, fix my own car, patch my own clothes, cook, clean, etc. I can buy/barter for a refrigerator, plug it in without tripping the breaker too many times, stock it with food and drink, and slap a crayon drawing on the outside all by myself. The very model of a renaissance man. I will admit that I'm not very good at sports or video games (clumsy and impatient in that order) and can't dance for shit, but I guess you can't win 'em all. Anyway, my point in all this solipsistic babbling is to imply that I'm not looking for someone to take care of me (I already know how to do that). What I am looking for is covered in this next section, my personal favorite in the job posting realm:

Who you are:
A sublime physical amalgamation of Rosario Dawson, Lexa Doig, and Lucy Lui with a bachelor's degree in material science or related field (advanced degree preferred). Must have an easy, mellifluous laugh, smell of warm laundry and/or baking cookies and require virtually no emotional maintenance. Must split meals and movies 50/50. Fluency in several languages and M1 license a plus.
Okay, I'm kidding. Again, I'm not ordering a sandwich or commissioning installation art (incidentally, I've always adored the craigslist phenomenon of specifying desirability of excess -- PhD preferred? Really? Wouldn't it be -even better- if I was an ex-astronaut with a trust-fund and chloroplasts so I could happily take half pay and work through lunch breaks given a cubicle by the window? Would you "prefer" I was made entirely of polished gold?). Due to a couple tragic relationships in the past where I've been inadvertently led into the horrifying position of hurting others (long, long story there -- twice as long as the rambling I'm doing here and half as interesting), I've withdrawn to a safely insulated two-year tryst with mistress alcohol, which hasn't been all bad, but not as healthy or constructive as I'd like (I drain her with my constant needs, she can play a little rough in the mornings), and all I'm really looking for now is someone kind and fun to be around who can help me step back in the game. In all seriousness, I do have two sincere stipulations:
1. You're roughly my age (30). I don't mean to be prejudiced, but I already have both a mom and a kid sister.
2. You're an atheist. That is, someone who believes there are no gods (as opposed to "doesn't believe in gods", which is an agnostic -- adherent to the laziest, most pandering theology around), monsters, pixies, nymphs, or tooth-fairies and replaces that sentiment with an ardent belief in humanity and individual freedoms and rights. If you've got a "Yes on 8" placard, cross, fish, star, horse shoe, or lucky moon stuck to the back of your car, keep driving.

Alright, well that's it. I'm done talking. If you've gotten through all this, don't mind how goofy I look, and feel consonance with my sense of humor and stance on the universe, drop me a line and give me your side of the story. If not, no hard feelings and happy hunting.

-Ace

P.s.
On a side note, if you're looking for a room to rent in Concord or one stock aluminum wheel for a 1990 Honda CRX Si, I've also got postings for those up here somewhere.